We have two tips about taking along (especially) family and partners: we will look at both the situation that you would like these people to come along (we give these tips because gatekeepers sometimes use these people to play a part you may not want) and the situation that you would not like these people to come along (we give tips to help prevent that these people come along).

If you would like your family or partner to come along

It can be a good idea to bring family or your partner to the psychologist: two heads are better than one and they can help you to ask questions (or steer the psychologist away from asking unpleasant questions).

Psychologists like to speak with a partner or a family member. There can be several reasons why the psychologist wants this:

- The psychologist may want to educate your family/partner himself. If this happens, just let it go, even if the psychologist talks utter nonsense. After the meeting (when the psychologist isn’t there) you can still tell your family how you experience it.

- The psychologist may want to know what your family/partner think about supplying hormones or operations. We advise you to warn your family/partner in advance that they should not answer those questions: it is the psychologist who has to decide on this; your family and partner should not be involved in this decision in any way (see also the personal story from 2007, October 2007). It is also good to remind the psychologist of this during the meeting.

- The psychologist may want to check whether the information you have given is correct, so he asks your family/partner. The question is how much this bothers you. We hate this way of working. If you don’t mind, just let it happen. If you do mind, ask your psychologist (before your partner or family gets a chance to reply) openly whether he doesn’t believe you, because you have already answered this question yourself in an earlier meeting. And also immediately repeat the answer you have given in that previous meeting, so that it is useless for the psychologist to continue asking questions about that subject.

If you don’t want your family or partner to come along

There are several possibilities:

1) Indicate to your psychologist that you have the right to decide who comes along and who doesn’t; you can read it in the law (art. 457). If we even have the right to refuse the presence of a co-assistant, wouldn’t we have the right to refuse the presence of people from our own environment as well?

2) You can bring along a sheet of paper with addresses and phone numbers of your family members and tell your psychologist that she (if she refuses to allow hormones to be prescribed without speaking with these people) will have to invite them herself. See the personal story from 2007 (November 2007) for how this works.

    Important:

    a) keep insisting that you only give the addresses because you would not get hormones/operations if you didn’t,

    b) keep insisting that you don’t want these people to come along.